(Or, make your email shorter)

A common problem with business email is that it’s often written to cover the author’s ass even while stating the most basic of information. While this type of email is endemic in large bureaucracies, nearly all of us find ourselves writing this kind of muck occasionally.

I received this email today:

The purpose of this DRAFT Request for Proposal procurement notice is to notify prospective offerors that the State of Ohio is in the process of developing a Request for Proposal that will be issued at a date to be determined.

The surest way to clean up this mess is to root out every last weasel word. I used to have trouble identifying weasel words, until I realized that nearly every qualifier, piece of jargon, and adverb is a weasel.

Let’s give it a try:

The purpose of This DRAFT Request for Proposal procurement notice is to notify prospective let offerors know that the State of Ohio is in the process of developing a Request for Proposal that will be issued at a date to be determined.

That’s pretty good. We now have:

This procurement notice is to let offerors know that the State of Ohio is developing a Request for Proposal.

Removing jargon, we could simplify even more:

This email is to notify vendors that the State of Ohio is developing a Request for Proposal.

It would be enough that writing clear email helps people understand what you’re saying. But that’s not all–professionals who communicate reasonably are also far more likely to be respected and taken seriously.