Last Friday evening I cracked the glass screen on my iPhone — not just a little scratch, but a full-on, bullet-deflection impact. I have no idea how this happened — I discovered it when I pulled it out of my pocket — but it did. I actually went through the seven stages of grief, and after I was done and had accepted my loss, I grabbed my jacket and sped off to the nearest Apple Store.

Now, the warranty says that accidental damage isn’t covered wholesale, but that they’ll charge me $250 and swap the phone out. Fine by me, I’ll just be five minutes, maybe ten, and be on my way. Lies!

I march into the Easton Apple Store and walked back to the Genius Bar. (aside: “Genius Bar?” The waffle bar at Denny’s had fresh steaming waffles, where’s my piping hot Genius?) Almost immediately when I sat down, as if summoned by the butt-pressure on the stool, a Floor Monkey approached and informed me that the Genius Bar is by appointment only.

“Oh, sorry, that’s fine. I just need some assistance with my iPhone.” says I. I pull out the obviously-damaged phone and offer it up. “I just need this swapped out with one that isn’t dripping glass.”

Floor Monkey explains that the policy is that they’ll charge me $250 and swap me out with a refurb. Thanks kindly, let’s go ahead and do that! But Floor Monkey does not. She insists that I need to make an appointment with the Genius Bar, and since they’re full up for the night that means I’ll have to come back tomorrow.

I try explaining that there’s no question as to what my problem is, and I don’t need a “Genius” to sit down with me and walk me through anything. I just need to give you my phone, get a new phone, pay you my money, and head out. Easy? Apparently the Genius Bar handles that. Floor Monkey steadfastly sticks to company policy, an appointment is booked for the next morning, and I’m turned away.

Now, after this there’s no problem. Head in, wait for name call, walk to counter (like a stylish and modern DMV office), and get things taken care of. Nobody was anything but professional on either of my visits to the store. But that’s the issue!

Apple, why the devil did you make me come back? Why is store policy to turn away a paying customer for a simple warranty trade-in? Now, if I bring in a computer and think Time Machine backups are failing, that’s one thing. Have someone sit down and try all the stuff. But when someone needs a ten-minute “here’s your new stuff, sign here, pay up” operation, there’s no reason there shouldn’t be a way to get that taken care of immediately.

Sadly, I’m still a tool. I’ll still buy the 3G iPhone when it comes out later this year. I’ll just try not to use it as an hammer, or whatever I did.